Welcome to Utah

Below, in no particular order, are a list of thoughts I had during tonight's Jazz v Wolves game, likely fueled by a sugar high from Bon Bon's ridiculous cotton candy and honey-flavored ice creams.

  1. How does the referee hierarchy work? Like, how does one move up the ranks from grade school to college ref, D3 to D1, D1 to NBA? Are some referees more qualified than others? How the hell can you even determine that? Does one need to audition to become a referee? Does pursuing a career in referee-ing run in families? Are refs also elitist off the court?

  2. I wonder what goes through the head of the person inside a mascot. Do they do cocaine before games? Poppers?

  3. Hayward's hot.

  4. Hayward's Alex Turner haircut lit-er-a-lly took him from farm boy to rockstar like DRAMATIC transformation wtf

  5. Ingles may be missing a tooth (I think) but as far as white guys on the Jazz go, he's actually better looking than Hayward.

  6. Is yelling "BUCKETS!!!" every time a shot goes up a Salt Lake City tradish? Because the man behind me needs to swallow a bucket of silence and maybe some arsenic ASAP

  7. Is arsenic gluten-free

Anyway, here's a picture of said ice cream. It's great quality, local, and unlike so many other arena vendors, not a chain. They also have awesome looking dairy-free sorbets - hopefully my milk-intolerant compadres will exercise some more self control than I did. Subsequent gas problems -- a warm welcome to Utah indeed.