Female sexual empowerment is huge right now, which is awesome. I've been waiting for this for so long! Ladies are getting their p****ies popping in the bedroom, in the club, in the tiny little square of the 'gram. With this has come a willingness not only to openly seek out pleasure, but talk about the journey without judgement. And that journey no longer 'has' to be vanilla. So like, if your idea of pleasure is watching animated porn or abstaining from any and all human contact until you find a man with Jeremy Meeks' face and 45 million dollars, it's all good ma! Do what you gotta do.

For some women -- namely, Vanessa Cuccia, founder of Chakrubs -- pleasure can come in the form of crystal sex toys. Yes...crystal sex toys. Confused? Slightly horrified? I know. But let's start here: would you ever eat rubber or silicone? You certainly wouldn't, like, snort it. So why the hell would you put it into your VAGINA?! In the quest to replace human flesh, doesn't it make sense to tap into other natural materials? Right.

So there's that. Furthermore, sex is ALL about the exchange of energy. With partners, with ourselves. Man-made materials don't carry life force. Supposedly -- because unlike post-poverty Spencer Pratt, I've done very little research on this -- crystals do. Even if you don't wholeheartedly believe in spirits emanating from rocks, the mere idea that they could, and the realization that those spirits are now...inside of you...can make for some really serious mental foreplay. 

You can personalize the experience you're looking for, too - each variety of crystal comes with a different set of 'traits' that it carries and heals. Most of the descriptions revolve around releasing pent-up energy and anxiety, which is always a good thing. 

Now -- my parents, grandmother, scorned ex-lovers, and a variety of past and potential employers read this blog, so I'm not going into too much dirty detail about my personal experience with these phallic stones. Let's just say they are...transportive. As it goes with any good scientific experiment, I was concerned about placebo effect, so I conducted my study multiple times in controlled settings. And every single time, the same, um, fantastic things happened. 

Admitting to the world that you are a sexually empowered woman who doesn't need a man is brave. Doing so with a crystal dildo in hand is even braver. In fact, it might make you a superhero. See for yourself.