It’s always a touchy subject, talking about smoking. Obviously it’s terrible for your health and people have lost cherished family members from it and it smells totally repulsive on certain people and yada yada; but clearly, the campaigns where people are talking like serial killers out of holes in their throats aren’t working. Neither is berating people for their “nasty habit.” Come on — we’re all addicted to something because of one demon or another! You know what a really “nasty” habit is? Jerking off in front of strangers on the train. 


Listen, there are voids in some times and places that can only be filled by smoking. Like, obviously, those exhausted, vulnerable moments after sex. (Although honestly, eating pizza or ice cream — even the vegan kind — totally works too.) Or what about after a huge fight with someone you really care about, that culminated in one of you storming out? Or when dealing with writer’s block? Or while on a contemplative walk through a city at night? 

…Basically, smoke is the missing puzzle piece in all the really pretentious moments that make up my absurd life. When the sun goes down, my lighter comes up. I mean, how else am I going to manage my existential stress? Bite my nails?! These are GELS.

But, for real, this isn’t cute, kids. No one smoking anything is; I don’t care how skinny or wealthy or Italian you are. Despite what Millennials think, being such a rotten breed, we are NOT immortal. Tobacco and its byproducts KILL you. Black lungs are NOT in for summer! Or fall…or winter…or spring…or EVER!

(Luckily, my use of actual tobacco ceased pretty much entirely after college, and even then I was only an occasional social smoker. Cigs never appealed to me, but the act of smoking did. Now I find myself regularly craving the ritual of it.)


So, how do we deal? Especially considering that we have green juice every day, limited our alcohol to ‘top shelf only, on weekends’, do cardio 3x a week, and just want to SMOKE SOMETHING, goddammit! 

Newsflash: those tiny, innocent lil Juul pods have as much nicotine in them as an entire pack of cigs! No bueno. Try these options instead. They feel and smoke like traditional cigarettes, but won’t murder your life. 

Anima Mundi Botanical Smoke (pls use my referral link HERE!)


Brown Bear Herbs

Moon Minded Medicine

...or, you know, you could just stick to WEED.